@Betches Betches

The original recipe is back, IRL. Aleen kicks things off with a revelation that one day, some day, she *will* turn 40, but at least she has a trip to Japan to look forward to. Of course, we have to discuss all things Taylor ahead of The Tortured Poets Department release. Even Jordana has to admit Tay and Travis looked really cute at Coachella. On a *not so shocking note * the Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner is getting a divorce after 3 months of marriage to Theresa Nist…. It’s giving Kim K and Kris Humphries. Our Betch of the Week is NCAA superstar Caitlin Clarke, who’s worth way more than she’s being given. Get your sh*t together WNBA. As for the Caymans? Gerry and Theresa are on their way, they knew this divorce was coming before they even got married…. We’re unable to be duped.
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Ciao betch, Sami’s celebrating her birthday in Italy, but Aleen and Jordana are here to discuss all the pop culture tea of the week, starting with an immediate breaking news story while recording. They recap their earthquake and eclipse stories– Aleen has an emergency bunker. Jordana’s not invited, unless she promises not to tell anyone…. Betches Luv This Bunker– has a nice ring to it right? Then, onto an in depth debrief on the Curb finale and the Brandy Melville doc that has every millennial reeling right now. Noah Cyrus liked who’s thirst trap? That’s right, her sister Miley’s ex-husband Liam Hemsworth’s. WTF is going on with that family? Speaking of Miley, JoJo Siwa’s tryna enter her own Can’t Be Tamed era, and causing quite the stir. In happier news, another Bridget Jones movie is in the works. Larry David is our Betch Of The Week, his show’s had a good 25 year run. And Stefan, the founder of Brandy Melville will be sent to the Caymans. No further questions.
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The Betches are fresh off the heels of their speaking engagements at Harvard Business School, what like it’s hard?! They recap their trip and the drama that ensued afterwards. Then onto the biggest pop culture news of the week: Beyonce’s Cowboy Carter has arrived, and Jolene better sleep with one eye open. Taylor Swift has *officially* achieved billionaire status, and she Travis are going to Coachella together. Sorry, are they 26?! Lizzo’s quitting-- well not really. Listen and you’ll find out her reasoning. They wrap up with Aleen’s thoughts on Shogun, and Jordana finally watched Buying Beverly Hills! If you’re a reality TV lover, and if you’re still confused if canned tuna is chicken or fish tune into our website and socials on Monday April 8th to see what we’ve been cooking up.
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The Betches begin this week’s episode with their peaks and pits of their collective 35th birthday Mexico getaway-- including what they were up to when they found out about the shocking Kate Middleton news. We all owe her an apology... Then onto some other serious topics (not the lightest news day). They discuss Diddy’s FBI home invasion and their thoughts on the the chilling Quiet on Set Nickelodeon documentary. In happier news, Ariana Maddix is finally moving out of her house with Tom Sandoval! Will she back at VPR or is it time for her to move on? And finally, Beyonce’s album drops tonight, we’ve never been so excited to listen to country music.
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The trio is back in action. According to Aleen, the joke’s on us because the Caymans are lovely. We’re recording a day early, because the Betches are going on their collective bday trip tomorrow to Mexico, so first they dive in to KateGate. Of course we’re talking about the TMZ video. Is it a body double? Why are the Royals carrying plastic bags? Is Rose Hanbury the posh Raquel Leviss? Then onto America’s knockoff royal family- the Kardashians, or at least their exes... Caitlyn Jenner and Lamar Odom are launching a podcast together and their logo is giving clip art. What does Khloe think about all this? We won’t be listening. Onto another clickbait headline, Travis Kelce’s new hosting gig-- Listen and you’ll understand the irony.
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Happy Bday Aleen! An important day for Pisces everywhere. While Aleen’s in the Caymans, Sami recaps her trip to the White House and Jordana gives a sneak peak into her U Up interview with her dream guest Esther Perel. They recap the (boring) Oscars, where the most exciting headline seems to be Vanessa Hudgens’ pregnancy. Kim K also continues to attempt to hard launch Odell at every major event, including the Vanity Fair Oscars After Party, and no one cares. Speaking of couples, are Taylor and Travis on the rocks? Sami thinks so, while Jordana thinks Tay should consider circling back to one of her exes. Then onto more piping hot English breakfast tea – Kate Middleton’s photoshop fail, and Prince William’s alleged affair. We’ll see how things look after Easter… Also, this just in, Meghan Markle has a new lifestyle brand that just launched mid-recording… American Riviera Orchard. They wrap up with a VPR recap and the Mauricio/ Hilton drama. Olivia Rodrigo is our Betch of the Week for handing out Plan B and condoms to fans on the GUTS tour. Kensington Palace’s PR team will be sent to the Caymans. No further questions.
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